And They're Off!

I have never been a very competitive person.  I like winning-sure, but I am also a very good loser.  I have recently realized that I have been automatically entered into a new competition.  The "mom competition".

I have found that being a new mom and having other mom friends is a little like being in high school again. The comparisons start early: Bumper or no bumper; formula vs. breastfeeding; organic fabrics vs. regular; making your own baby food vs. buying jarred…the list seems neverending.  Once the baby is born, it’s milestones this, milestones that! I never knew I could be so obsessed with when someone would decide it was time to sit or sleep through the night or eat solid food!

I heard about this competition and told myself,  "I will never let myself get worked up about this type of thing, I will raise my baby the way I find right."  I'm finding now this is one tough competition to escape.  With all of the mom blogs, message boards, Facebook, etc, it's difficult not to be bombarded with every little detail of other's lives.  It's hard not to read about other babies achievements or about their parent's opinions on parenting. 

It's hard not to brag.  They are our children, they do amazing things.  It's a pretty great feeling to have when you child discovers or accomplishes something new. But at times I find myself comparing Jack to what other babies his age are doing. 

What I have realized now is that there is no 1st, 2nd or 3rd place in this "competition".  Being first doesn't matter.   Babies are just like us; little people with different strengths and weaknesses.  We all get to the finish line, some of us just take a different path to get there. 

Letting Go

COUNTDOWN UNTIL WORK: 2 DAYS

So I am sitting here writing my "instruction manual" for Jack's day care providers.  He will be with my dad one day, my mother in law two days and an in-home day care for two days.  I laid in bed last night staring at the ceiling wondering how any of them could possibly take care of Jack the way I do. How could anyone else figure out what makes him happy or what makes him stop crying, or how he likes to play, and what songs he you to sing to him the most?

I have become one of "those moms".  The mom I SWORE I would never be.  I would see moms telling people how their child liked certain things or how you should talk to them this way, or sit with them this way, and I would think "you are absolutely crazy".  And now here I am.  It's not that I don't trust anyone.

I know all of them will do a wonderful job with him, I just worry.  I worry my mother in law will continue to let Jack suck on an empty bottle because "he wants to", or that she will shove a bottle in his mouth everytime he cries. I worry my dad will not want to sing to him, or play with him like I do, and I worry that the day care will not have the time to give him the attention I can.

But there comes a time when I have to let go,and trust that they will take care of Jack just as well as I do, that one way of parenting is not always right.  I need to let go and know that Jack will still know I am his mother, and will understand I am working to make life better for him.  Twenty years from now Jack won't even remember where he was during these months.   I need to learn now that there will be a lot of "letting go" of Jack in the future so I better get used to it.

I know it will get easier day by day, but I just with I had a few more days with him; to play, and cuddle in the mornings and to just be Mommy and Jack.  It's amazing how fast these first 12 weeks have gone.

Maybe I'll win the lottery in the next 2 days.......