Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Check out my Man guest!

In the world of mom blogs, it makes me so happy to find a blog written by a man.  Better yet a dad.   So when I came across Philip's blog, which is cleverly titled Philipchiappani's Blog, I immediately became a follower.  It is so refreshing to read about parenting from a father's point of view.  I don't know about your husbands, but mine is not the best at telling me his feelings about being a dad. 

Phil however, is great at it.  If you have time, please stop by his blog and become a follower....you will be so glad you did.  And seriously, aren't they just the cutest family?
It is just a touch intimidating for a man to step into the realm of mommy blogs, but I am glad for the opportunity. Posting here gives me the chance to step away from the focus of my personal blog and concentrate on my thoughts as a parent. I hope that I can represent fathers well.
Not counting the 9-month calm before the storm, I am just 10 months into fatherhood.  I am still amazed at just how quickly life changed when my wife and I had our son, Bennett. Since that day, life has been in a constant state of transformation. Of course I understand that “the only thing you can count on in life is change,” but when you have a child it seems like everything takes off exponentially.
The change that I think about most often is that of my relationship with my wife. Before having a child our lives were filled with work and play; Kind of selfish really. Now, striking any kind of balance is increasingly difficult. Sadly it often feels like we are competing against each other in a zero-sum game for a few moments of free time. I think that part of it comes from the fact that even though you know pretty much what you are getting into by having a child, your expectations are never quite realistic. That seems to apply to both your expectations of yourself and your spouse.
What it means to be a good father seems to change on a near daily basis as both Bennett grows and I mature. Most of the time it feels like Bennett is growing much faster than I am maturing. It is very surreal to think that my son will be a teenager someday. What a thought! I will have a teenage son. Thinking that far into the future can be overwhelming so I try not to. The current state of things keeps our family busy enough.
One thing I do know is that no matter how hard I think I work, my wife works even harder. Sometimes I get caught up thinking that she has the easier role in our relationship. Then, I realize that the grass isn’t all that much greener on the other side. It is full of diapers, tantrums, runny noses and exhaustion. Actually, now that I think about it, it is pretty green. She gets the smiles, laughs, hugs and kisses 40 more hours a week than I do. But I get the satisfaction that I am working my hardest to provide those moments for both of them. Parenting isn’t actually a zero-sum game. It’s a win-win situation where we get to work together for something that truly matters.

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