I need to toughen up. I have always been a bit of a "softy"; crying at Hallmark commercials, love songs, and sobbing every time I watch the movie "Cars". But now I am realizing just how difficult it is to watch your child grow up and become independent.
Yes I want him to be his own person. I want him grow to be a friendly, well adjusted, independent, successful man. But I am learning quickly just how heartbreaking the process can be.
Sunday we went to the zoo. They have zoo lights there, and it's something we do every year. ( I even got engaged outside of zoo lights). After walking around and seeing the lights we took Jack to the train ride. Of course Jack had to go on it. I asked the man if I could ride with him, and he said "Nope, kids only". There was no way Jack would go on that thing without me, he always wants me to ride with him or go with him places. So I told Jack he had to ride alone and he replied "I go by myself, Mama". My husband and I both knew the minute that train moved he would be screaming like a little baby. But I walked him up to the yellow car, sat him down, gave him his George doll and watched.
He hugged Georgie tight, and off the train went. As the train went around the curve his head turned to make sure we were not too far away, but there was not one tear, cry, not even a frown! As the train came back around we waved to him all while he had the biggest smile on his face. That's how it went for the whole ride.
Did I have a smile on my face? Of course not, I was crying like a baby. Pathetic, maybe. But as my husband said, this was a big step for him. His first time not "needing" Mommy. Yes I was happy, especially when he got off and said "I ride train by myself!". But it did hurt just a bit in my heart seeing him grow a little more independent.
I can only imagine how I will be when he goes off to school.